Concern For Others

When you are concerned about someone, your concern may be based on a known circumstance (e.g., you learn the person has recently ended a relationship, failed an important exam, or lost a family member), or you may be noticing some general signs of distress, but are unsure about what may be triggering the behavior.  

Often it helps to talk over the situation with someone else. Parents, friends, professors, and advisors can be good resources for suggestions and advice. Sometimes it's necessary to speak with a professional. Counselors at Gannett's Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) can help you consider your options and make suggestions about the best way to help. Feel free to call CAPS during business hours at 255-5208 and ask to speak with a counselor regarding another student about whom you are concerned. (This can be especially helpful if you are losing sleep or feeling anxious about the situation. See Caring for Yourself.) 

Discuss your concern

Saying something is important, and your conversation will go best if you assume a compassionate and non-blaming manner. Avoid giving ultimatums or trying to pressure someone into changing or getting help.

• Express your concern using "I" statements. For example, you could say to a friend whose alcohol use concerns you, "I'm worried about you because I notice you're drinking more, and not making it to your morning classes anymore." 
• Let the person know that you care about them and you want to help.
• Say “tell me more about…”
• Listen with your full attention.
• Be patient and don’t jump to conclusions or offer quick solutions.
• Ask what they think might help.

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Make a connection

• Cornell has a number of resources to aid students who are struggling. Consider reviewing the list of resources for students to determine a good starting place. If you get stuck, remember that Gannett phone consultation is available 24/7.

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Other ways to make a difference

• Model balanced living (pdf)(academics, rest, and fun) in your day to day life. Practice regular stress reduction techniques. Others will notice.
  
• Develop a personal comfort level discussing stress, mental health/mental illness with others.Check out the mtvU “halfofus” site where college students, as well as popular musicians share about there experiences with stress, depression, and anxiety.
  
• Consider joining Cornell Minds Matter, a student-led group which hopes to demystify and de-stigmatize mental health/mental illness through programs, speakers and information blitzes. They welcome new comers to their meetings and events.