Maintaining Abstinence in Relationships

Individuals choose abstinence for many different reasons; some choose to refrain from sexual intimacy for religious reasons or personal values, others choose abstinence to protect themselves from any possibility of disease transmission or unplanned pregnancy, and some individuals are just not ready for a sexual relationship or their partners are not ready. There may be other reasons that you want to be abstinent when in a relationship.

Whatever the reason, on a campus that often perceives there to be a good degree of sexual activity, maintaining a commitment to abstinence may be challenging. Peer pressure, partner pressure, media messages, and human urges can chip away at  an individual's firm stance on abstinence.

So what are some of the ways individual's can maintain their commitment to abstinence?

Abstinence means different things to different people. It is most important for you to know what you want and where your boundaries are. This will help you set firm limits on sexual behavior and help reduce any misunderstanding with a partner who may be unsure of what kind of sexual activity you are comfortable engaging in.

Be clear on why you want to be abstinent. Decide for yourself if abstinence is working for you and if not, what might make it easier?

Reduce the pressure to be sexually active. Use strategies that help reduce the number of times you may find yourself in a setting that could lead to sexual activity. It is much harder to be committed to abstinence when you are in a romantic setting, alone with your partner and engaging in romantic kissing or stroking.

Stay in control of your feelings by reducing or eliminating alcohol or drug use when in intimate settings. When you are intoxicated, you are much less likely to be able to be firm about your decisions.

Be consistent with your actions so your partner isn't confused by the limits you set for yourself. Be sure your behavior demonstrates your commitment to not engaging in sexual behaviors that make you uncomfortable.

Be honest with your partners. Tell them what you want from your relationship. Decide what you deserve in a relationship and share that too. And respect your partner's wishes and boundaries as well as your own.