Making Sex Better

Sex is a natural and wonderful part of the human experience. But no one is born with a full understanding of how to have a positive sexual experience. That comes with understanding, safety, communication, education, comfort, and a sense of fun and exploration.

Every individual is different. It is up to a couple to explore the possibilities so the sexual/sensual experience is the best and healthiest it can be.

For people who are sexually active, or considering sexual activity, here are some communication considerations that are often at play in sexual relatinships. We are currently developing this information so check back in the future. After all, there is more to sex than communication (Much more!)

In the meantime, check out Columbia University's Go Ask Alice for information related to a positive sexual experience.

Blocks to Clear Communication About Sex

Peer Pressure: Allowing others to dictate what you do and don't do. Sexuality is a complex array of feelings, attraction, and behaviors. Only you can decide for yourself what feels right and what feels good.

Social conditioning: Not paying attention to the needs of others, or to discount them, or place lesser value on them e.g. "I know what you really want.". Men sometimes succumb to this kind of conditioning more than women.

Social conditioning:  Not paying close attention to one's own needs, but rather being accomodating, or nurturing of the needs of others. Women sometimes succumb to this more than men.

Assumptions: The ambiguity of language can be an obstacle. Your partner may say "I want to sleep with you" implying they want to have sex. But people don't always use the same terms.

Arousal: The more blood that is in the genital area, the less blood goes to the brain; as we get aroused, we may think less about consequences and more about present sensations and tensions.

Wanting to be "swept away": Rather than being comfortable with open communication, which is sometimes considered unromantic, we'd rather not communicate about our feelings, our delights or our concerns.

Fear of rejection: If I tell you what I want, you may reject me; better not to ask.

Alcohol: The more we drink, the less clear we are about articulating our needs and the less sensitive we are to the needs of others.